Sakura Kiss

Day: January 16/11

Eating: nothing

Listening To: Mine, Yours by Luka Megurine (Vocaloid)

Mood: meh...piggyback, piggyback, piggyback!!

And once again, it's been over a month since I've last blogged. I hate how things manage to catch up with me and distract me along the way. So freakin annoying...

But I gotta admit, my life has been very much like a rollercoaster for this past long while, and it.s not that easy, trying to sort out things while keeping up with your hobbies and other things you are doing.

So, now to catch up on over a month's time.

It's been over a month since I've become a Deck Sister of Diamond. It's a lot of fun, welcoming the others in the Game Room, seeing my sisters around (though Heart is a brat like always..), Spade is kinda quiet like always, curled with a book, and Clover hasn't really been coming around much (maybe I should drop by her Restaraunt..?)

The rest of the Sanctuary is full of life as usual, more Newborns coming in, others applying, and the other dolls having fun together. The Amakura Dragon Festival went by as well. Not that I dropped by a lot in it....

But things are pretty much like normally.

At school though, now that's where the mine field starts.

I hate that even in my last year knowing all the people I know such a, a...moronic incident. There is no other word to describe it, other than it is a triangle of selfishness and lust between me, my former crush (and ex, well, if you wana be REALLY technical) and the girl who I've been very close with like a sister. It's stupid to go poking fingers, saying who did what wrong and all so I won't do that. All I can say is that this all better sort out because Friday, at our Ukrainian Christmas Malanka dance, it was just a nightmare.

No one understands me anymore. Heck, no one ever did. I feel like a little girl, walking up to a group of adults who are busy talking and laughing, then I pull on their sleeves and they say 'Not now dear, wait for us to finish'

That's about the worst feeling someone can have, especially when they're in the company of people who they considered their friends.

I'm not mad at anyone, but things are going for the worst. I can't stay with someone anymore without knowing that any second something could inturupt and everything flies off to the wind.

I'm tired. It just makes everything so pointless, all the effort to be happy goes to waste. Everything you try to build up, this sugary frosted world, comes crashing down on you. People are divided, and it just turns into a breathing nightmare. This is why most of last year I had so hated going to school, and at the beginning of this year when I was happy going to school, I had hoped that last year would never repeat itself.

And to be honest, it didn't, no - things just got a lot WORSE.

At least on here I can post and write what I really feel deep inside, and not worry that people will strangle me, call me a selfish bitch, or some other annoying revelation. Because if that's all they can come up with, then originality has just flown out the window in the world.

I need to find another way of distracting myself, and as soon as school finishes in June, after summer, when I might be able to still talk to the people I knew, it's better that starting in high school in September I forget about them, because memories of the past just linger and dig up old wounds I'd want to forget.

~M

PS: Sof, if you read this, either way, sooner or later, it doesn't matter, I just want to ask you - don't tell me you read this. Please just keep it to yourself, as well as any thoughts you have after reading this blog post.

Because I have to be fair and spill my own thoughts at least somewhere, and only you know about this blog, so at least I'm happy the whole grade won't see this.

Photographic Memories

Day: December/10

Eating: nothing, and I'm not hungry

Listening To: Sanctuary by The Outsyder

Mood: hyperness FTW!!

I'm back in business peoples!! Yeah, I know, it's been forever, please don't kill me for not coming back to blog often, but, you get what you get when you go to school, and when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. And what a ride it's been, these past three or so months.

Holy, I can't even describe how things have changed, more for the better than for the worse.

I've finally gotten over one of the guys (not fully, but almost). That's a huge improvement, since I won't end up hurting myself in the end, or rather, him hurting me. And as Christmas and the last day of school before the holidays approaches I want to do something for the other guy, the guy I truly like. Just something special, to make him remember me, even if we don't see each other in high school.

There's really not that much more to say due to my hperness overload so I won't ring off your ears, just gonna go chillax a bit and gather up with ideas and thoughts. Oh, I've come up with a few improvements on my book and quite a number of things have happened to me over in the Sanctuary, but for my 'back in busness' post, this should be good enough, no overlading.

Looks like finally, just maybe, life will take a turn. And I hope it's gonna bring me more happiness than sorrow, and if I cry, they won't be saddness but relief. If all my memories could be caught in a jar right now it would be overflowing to the brim, with my memories, both of pain and laughter, of things I'd never want to let go of.

~M

Twin Breeze

Day: October 8/10

Eating: drinking a cup of tea

Listening To: Dance Inside by The All-American Rejects

Mood: probably none - just floating around in the clouds

Oh. My. GOD. I swear school is gonna kill me. So much to do, so little time. Or is it just me being so lazy? Either way I'm gonna die if I keep going at this pace, qnd it only gets worse in high school. So looks like I gotta pick it up.

I've been terrorized by a handful of people lately and it's beginning to take another tole on me. Sure I like anime and manga, yes I like ball jointed dolls, and yeah I made up a story to one of my friend that I was a 'witch' but that's the way I am - I care about my doll family so much and I just love making up stories like that. So guess what - just go tell someone else that shit, someone who'll actually buy it. Cause here, right now, I'm bulletproof, and you can't get any dirt on me.

Speaking of my doll life, I actually got promoted to Season Spirit of November - Luna! I'm so happy. I actually think that the month of November fits me better than the month of January, which had been my original hope for a rank. Autumn is more of my season, the cool breezes, the medium temperature, crisp appleas and walking in the gentle winds through the park while the leaves brush the path clean of all your footsteps.

Yes, I am the wind blowing life into the world in this month. It's my wings that carry the winds upon them.

I'm ever so grateful the Council and Mi-chama had decided to promote me. Now I'll work harder than ever to continue making the Sanctuary a wonderful place. Being on a Semi-Hiatus is never an excuse.

~M

Obscure Tears

Day: September 23/10

Eating: drinking a cup of tea

Listening To: Arabesque by Rurutia

Mood: drifting, half and half

Gosh I've been so out of blogging lately...=_=

Truth is I've been so caught up with things that I can't even spend a little time to focus on my blog that I've been so attached to. Heck it's the same thing with almost everything that I've cared about - it just feels like I've lost my touch.

School is going by well for the most part, though the pirannah has been acting up a little bit recently, thinking she's so cool and yelling a mocking 'Hi!' out from the school bus window. How I wish her tongue was twisted into knots so she'd leave me alone. How do you get it into people's brains - I. Don't. Want. To. Know. You. That's it. DIDDO. And even if you tell me you hate me too you still continue to whisper behind my back and pay so much attention to me. So I'm not gonna waste any more energy on her. If I have to I'll teach her a fir lesson and go straight up to my teacher but maybe I'll teach her in my own method.

Everything really feels the same and at moments a little obscure, at least for me. I wonder why I have been feeling so confused deep inside, why I can't decide between people, between what I want and what I don't, who I don't like and who I do.

I still wish sometimes that i could cry everything out, just everything that's been building up in me all these years. It's useless, walking around half dead like I've been for so long. I'm stuck between hapinness and sorrow, etween light and dark. What use is it to be a half when you're not complete, when you can't feel alive?

~M

White Iris

Day: September 14/10

Eating: layered waffer cake

Listening To: The Only Exception by Paramore

Mood: light, free, careless

This little blizzard inside of me is suddenly and surprisingly growing into a pleasant feeling. I never though something that began as something so depressing could turn into something so free, so pleasant. I've been in the midst of many fights lately, most among my friends or those people who aren't in my class but I still look over at, and I've been feeling isolated because of that. I mean my best friend is trying to keep a stalker jerk away from her while another friend of mine is hanging around that same stalker jerk. My crush hasn't been noticing me and rumours have slowly been drifting around about me again. But even amongst this seemingly lonely blizzard I'm feeling safe right now, safely guarded from everything and everyone.

I would give everything though, to see two people, two people I hold dear. One whom I have not yet met, but I feel his presence, that sweet smell that lingers lately, and a gentle breeze that passes by like a hushed voice; the one I am destined to meet. The other is one whom I should have forgotten, but hold dear within me. He is still by my side no matter how often I feel that he has left me, my first ever childish love, a memory that still lingers in my mind. It's these two that seperate my roads and make me wonder of how life will change. Yes there are others who I care about, like my close friend, my crush, and others, classmates of mine, but I can't help but feel ties to these two.

Ah, how twisted life is. But I've met so many wonderful people, especially the dolls, who help me see every day that even when I think that life has taken a turn for the worst, it's not fully dark until I give up on everything. I'm grateful to these people, even though I've said this thousands of times I still feel like I haven't said it enough.

It's one day though that I'll have the strength to stand on my own and let everything sink into me. But until that day comes I'll still rely on those people I know. Becoming a doll has showed me how life could be for me, and I met new people I wouldn't have met on the other side of this globe. My classmates, my friends, even my enemies - who, though I hate, still teach me things - ar blocks of my life. It's like they say, you can't rush to make a jigsaw puzzle until you have all the pieces. I won't rush with mine and take it a step at a time so everything could take it's turn.

'Life's not measured by the number of breaths you take,

but the number of moments that take your breath away'

~M

House of Cards

Day: September 11/10

Eating: cocoa wafer rolls

Listening To: Remedy by Little Boots
Mood: forgotten, curious

Ah, I think I'm beginning to slowly feel better. Not fully of course but just a little bit. How I hate drawing title pages lately though, and just my luck - I have 3 of them to do: one for Geography, another for Science and another for History. I wish I had a sudden slam of an idea hit me so that I could get the whole assignment over with.

On a brighter note.....KH BIRTH BY SLEEP IS OUT FOR ALMOST A WEEK 8D Lol, call me a fan but I'm growing addicted to the series. I really wanna get it - so far it's #1 on my Video Games list which I wanna get. I heard already that it's like no other game from the series and that makes me feel all hyper excited already. Of course, it does cost quite a bit so I gotta save up money...=_=

And I've officially applied to try becoming a Gem in the Sanctuary. Sure gonna be something cause I need an approval from all the current Gems and four of the Doll Council members, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it - as long as I try my best I shouldn't be disappointed because I know I gave it everything I've got.

What else should I mention...? Um, I dunno. I'm looking forward to this grade 8 year though, because of the Me To We, grad board, grad year book, and the Idol Talent Show we're holding. Gotta muster up my courage this year and audition - I think I've found the perfect song to sing. I plan to sing Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri so that means I've gotta perfect it soon since the talent show will most likely be between Christmas and February, and in my opinion winter is the perfect place to hold a talent show. Right now though I wanna enjoy myself a little bit, go listen to some more music and maybe write a little bit of my book.

~M

Endless Nocturne

Day: September 6/10

Eating: nothing, but that doesn't matter - nothing will go down my throat willingly
Listening To: Release of the Far West Ocean by Falcom Sound Team

Mood: nervous as hell, and I wanna turn inside out in my skin

Okay, so like I said - last blog entry of the summer. *sighs* Gotta take a deep breath cause right now I'm shakin like a dog. This always happens before the first day back - curse my weak nerves!

So, I didn't get much done today. Okay....I did nothing. Just played some video games and that's about all. Still have to pack a few things for tomorrow. Right now though my brain is rushing by so fast that I can't even concentrate on one thought.

I hope to do a lot of things this year at school, mainly to change the way people see me. I'm tiered that I always allow myself to be tricked or used by people even though I know of the consiquences. I'm naturally weak inside and don't fight back. Also, as surprising as it sounds, I wanna try getting over my crush. Yeah, you heard me. Not that there's anything wrong with him, I just don't wanna get too...attached....after all I'll most likely not see him in high school.

Other than my normal hopes and plans there's nothing much more. Just hope this coming year will be more or less a good one without anything I'll regret. All i gotta do now is calm down my nerves and get some sleep for tomorrow.

~M

Waning Paradise

Day: September 3/10 Eating: milk chocolate waffers

Listening To: Hello Seattle by Owl City

Mood: refreshed, hopeful

I've been feeling refreshed from yesterday's facial I got at Yves Rocher. It's a good thing I went to talk to a professional cause all this acne was honestly getting out of hand and my pores were about as clogged as ever. Of course I'm not exactly the type of person to get a facial so I wasn't used to it but it was fun, I'm planning on going there every month or so, maybe a few weeks if my face gets too dirty.

Anyways, DS is closed again for monthly maintanance and this is my last weekend before school. Not exactly looking forward to seeing everyone again but I'm not dieing of horror either. It's just a...meh...neutral feeling I guess. It's gonna be boring most of the time anyways - at least I have some new books to kill some time with there. Plus class orientation is always such a pain since there's a whole number of people I don't wanna be in the same class with.

So this I guess means that starting from Tuesday I'll be going Semi Hiatus, to all the dolls out there. I'll be sure to get online as much as I can since I just can't seem to stay away from everyone, but my school work and application to high school will be taking more time away from me. And since my Doll Family is growing I'll be sure to spend more and more time talking to everyone. Twinnie hasn't been online so much though - I really miss her....

Then I guess I'll be going for now, but expect a post on Monday cause it'll be my final post of the summer and my official thoughts about my whole vacation. I always do it for the past two years - looking over what I've done over the summer, what I hope to do/feel at school, and since I'm graduating next year in June then what I want to do with everyone before I graduate (that includes punishing some naughty boys). But till then, I'm gonna go catch some of the last summer's rays.

~M

Forgotten Wonderland

Day: August 30/10 Eating: milk chocolate

Listening To: Dance Inside by The All-American Rejects

Mood: creative, hopeless, forgotten

I wish I could be Alice right now and take a leap through that rabbit hole and into Wonderland, but unlike her, I bet you I'd never come out of there, not even for all the money in the world.

It's my last. week. of. summer. That already spells out 'drama' in more than a dozen ways. Not that I miss summer too much - it would be nice to get back to school and stuff some more knowledge into my head.

I've actually been pretty bored latly. If I could, I'd crawl into one of my favourite animes and just live in there for the rest of my life but sadly, I can't do that. It's painful living every day in such a reality where you hate everything you're doing. But that's life, and you gotta pick up the slack to it.

So what else...? I don't know. I just feel like I'm suffocating again. It's not like I wanna leave this world but living in it doesn't bring too uch happiness. Believe me, I'm super far from being an emo child but how can I say this, I look at life for what it is, not the sugar coated trash people try to shove under my nose. That's what makes me sick of life. All I can rely on is a better future where fences won't stop me from reaching my heights.

Now all that's left is to enjoy this last week of summer, cause next Tuesday it's school again and I'll be seeing everyone around. At least this summer I was able to find a solitude, a little paradise where I could be safely hidden awaywithout worrying about people coming after me and ruining that dream.

I really got out of blogging lately but I think once school starts this blog will liven up a little with all my talking about school and how constantly I'm being harassed. Haha, it's gonna be a normal life again.....yuppie.....baka baka classmates....

~M

Crystal Voices

Day: August 22/10

Eating: nothing - my throat just won't allow it

Listening To: Sanctuary by Utada

Mood: SICK! And from now on, that counts as a mood!

How I hate being sick....I always feel really really REALLY messed up. My nose is stuffy, my throat feels abnormal when I swallow, ah I just wish everything was back to normal...

Not really much to do when you're sick. I mean, I've been practically napping all day and just reading some books. Today the weather's been gloomy too - misty and humid the whole dang day. When will this weather end? I mean of course this is better than a hot summer but still, it's getting a little out of hand.

Hum, what else...? Well i've been looking around the Sanctuary again. Things there are good like normal, so I can't complain. Haven't seen my twin in a while on there, or even talked to her.

Well I think that about covers it. A surprisingly short entry for once. And on a side note, it's already the end of August, and school starts up again soon (which is both good and bad). Hoping for a good school year where I can finally feel normal again.

~M

Crystal Wings

Day: August 19, 2010

Eating: nothing, but frankly, I'm not craving anything either

Listening To: Lost Butterfly by Rurutia

Mood: sooo.....happy.....TT^TT

I HAVE RETURNED MY NORMAL POST EDITOR BACK! *Hallelujah song plays in the background* My stupid blog marked it under 'Old Post Editor' so I changed the settings to the old post editor and now I can finally edit my posts normally again....*tearing up* Ah, that makes me so happy...Let's just hope nothing more crashes on me or that I won't lose the current post editor *hugs it* Mine, you hear me Blogger team peoples, MINE! Take it away and my whole blogging experience will crash!

Ah, no more screwed up spacing, or, or...Ah, it's so good to have you back...

Ahem, so now that my happy phras is over and done with I can get onto some bigger news....I GOT A CELLPHONE!!! *does a happy dance* Hehe, now I can be more independant and whenever mom and I have to go shopping I'll have it to call dad instead of worrying and wondering when he'll pick us up. I like it. Even though it's not one of those new ones with the slide out keyboard made especially for texting I still like it. It's easy to carry and handle.

Hum, what else has happened to me so far...? Well I've been watching more animes and picked up some new mangas. Too many books on hold at the library for me, 95% of which are mangas. LOL, what can I say, I'm a heavy reader.

Haven't made much progress on my book though. That's upsetting me cause I've been wanting to work super hard on it all summer. I had a few more mental images from the book in my head though, but I still can't get to putting it down on paper. What can I say, I'm hell lazy at times.

Everything else has been rather quiet around the Sanctuary. It's almost 2 months since I've been there. Ah, time sure flies. I've been talking a lot to everyone around there, and things have been rather fun. Hope I still can spend time over there when I start school - it'll one heck of a chaos next year after all.

Speaking of school, around three weeks are left. When it'll officially be a week the countdown to school begins. A part of me wants to get back but a part of me is still holding back and doesn't wanna give in. It's like two different people are having a war inside my body to take over...

Oh well, let's hope everything turns up well. And now I think I'll be going to get a breath full of free air out by the lake - it's sure been a while since I've gone out.

~M

A Clover Each Day...

Day: August 12/10  Eating: bowl of cinammon-apple oatmeal

Listening To: Fireflies by Owl City

Mood: a little screwed up..

Okay, so it's probably not a secret that I've been feeling emotionally stressed these past few days. Or maybe some people don't know that...Anyways, to keep things short and sweet, yes, I've been under some difficult times. Not to mention my 'New Post' editor has been acting up on me which is irritating me cause it makes huge gaps between the writing if I wanna create just a small paragraph. If anyone knows how to fix this, this glitch please lemme know - I can't put pictures to the side now like I did normally without running into issues with the spacing. Ugh, why is everything so, so....just forget it.

Ahem, so, I've been asked by a number of people (you probably guess by now who they are): "What have you been doing?" Well, hum, lemme think.......NOTHING. Well, I'll be honest with myself I did some painting, a little reading, mostly listened to music....I've been mostly in the DS lately.

Oh, and, found out my crush has a girlfriend who's 4 years older than him. Yaay, I think I like a total idiot XP. No seriously, everything's taken such a weird turn it's not even funny. I wish I could just be chained into my book and live in there - everything is so much happier there.

Oh and I actually came up with a possible ending for my book - not that bad I gotta admit but not sure if it would be satisfying. I feel like a moron lately! Peoples help me! this isn't normal! ><

Ah, on the other hand, my last Shikyu, Dali the Clockwork Rabbit, should be coming soon, so then you'll get to chat with all five of my Shikyus. Rowanne's been a little happier though I gotta admit, and Whistea is feeling better after her recent little 'depression'. Calliope and Kaleb are okay and happy like normal, though Calli has been fighting hard in the Colliseum. Whistea gave up and Rowanne is only beginning while Calliope is ending her battle very soon. Ah Rowanne, hurry up and fight before the first round ends this week!

Ah, so this is just a short random entry, to file out all my thoughts. Please don't think I'm a nutjob though -I'm truly having a hard time lately, so PICK ON ME AND YOU WILL VERY SURELY REGRET IT? Okies...? ^-^ Don't turn me into an evil little witch cause we both know angry me+you=big fight.

I sure hope me dreams would calm down a little though - I'm beginning to feel a little scared from them....Now I only have my best friend to rely on...TT^TT *glomps her over the distance*

Nighty night, and I'm so lazy these past two days I will try so hard to post a story on my other blog tomorrow!

~M

Iris Garden Blog

Day: August 9/10

Eating: nothing but craving something sweet

Listening To: Pictures of You by The Last Goodnight

Mood: Tiered, drowsy, dreamy

Okay, a new day, and, as I had promised, this post will be dedicated to talking about my new blog. But before I start...*yawns* There, I got that out. I woke up at 7am today even though I was still dead tiered from yesterday. Why do I do such things sometimes, I dunno. So now I feel drowsy (thank god my reality swing is now gone - I can focus again without hating everything around me and feeling like I will choke in the next instant) but still, that will not stop me from blogging on here, and editing my new blog which, might I add, is under construction at the moment but should begin to function very soon.

So, as you probably guessed from the title, the blog is called Iris Garden, because I love irises the most of all flowers and because it's one of the few things that can relax me and even make me fall calmly asleep. I found a perfect blog layout which I think fits really well, so I'll be using it for the blog. There you can find links, a profile, and other stuff I don't have here so do take a look if you are interested.

I'll be starting out with simply posting short stories. If things go well and everyone enjoys reading my blog then I will maybe think about trying to post chapters from one of my books (I have started about 5 but am currently only progressing on one...XP). I would do it though for my friend Lissa-chan, because I'm sure she's look forward to it. My archives will have every single post in there, so please be sure to check it out also.

So yeah, I think that pretty much covers the whole thing...*sighs lightly* Ah, so starting tomorrow I will try posting short stories. Trust me, I have a lot, so please do be patient with me on that. I will label parts and all the accoarding things so that it will be clear what part number you are reading, if it's the end of the series, and all that stuff. I want to make it as organized as possible. Also, in the Shoutbox please do leave your opinions on the stories and any insighful comments - I love browsing through them; makes me feel like people care about my work TT^TT

And now I officially have two blogs to managa XD I'm sure I'll be up for the challenge though, and I can always take a break from one of them at any time.

So now I'll start searching through my folders and binders to find stories to post. Do check by for updates!

~M 

New Shikyu

Day: August 7/10

Eating: drinking a glass of fizzy lemonade

Listening To: nothing at the moment

Mood: bored and a little dull

Now before I go and begin to talk about my Shikyus I wanna wish my lil bro a happy b-day. His present was a large table with a train set that linked together. He loves it so much. We're gonna go have the cake soon - triple chocolate with extra frosting and biscuit layers. Yum! ^^

Now I had wanted to write this entry before about my new Shikyu but I never got the chance (I was really lazy, and as much as I wanted to blog more often I was still feeling very lazy). Now though that I have the time, lemme introduce to you my new Shikyu and I finally have the time to have a normal conversation with my other three....=.=

~~~

Kaleb: Hello *waves slightly. Nice to meet you all. It's so nice to finally be adopted into such a caring home TT^TT

Rowanne: Yuppie, another softie in the group...

Calliope: *sips her tea*....I for one am happy to finally have a boy Shikyu amongst us....Maybe now we'll have peace and order around....*sighs*

Rowanne: *turns to Calliope* Hey! You're not a holy dandelion yourself!

Whistea: *wakes up from all the comotion caused by Calliope and Rowanne* Twinnie, can't you at least lemme have some sleep on a Saturday? It's bad enough that Riri-san is all sleepy and drowsy but you're argueing right from the start too...

Rowanne: Well accuse that guy of starting it all! ><*

Kaleb: *radiates a dark aura* You do know, that as the duke of the dark court I don't tolerate being accused of something I had no participatio in whatsoever....

Whistea: *shaking a little* Nee Ro, let's not anger him. He's more dark then you. I wonder what part of riri-san's personality he got....O.o

Calliope: *puts the teacup down*....Judging by his words then the cold calm side....Plus her killer instinct....

Whistea: I never knew she had that in her...O.O"

Rowanne: Instinct shminstict. I don't care what that raccoon boy says - he ain't scary at all! XP

Kaleb: *creates a ball of black fire*

Whistea: Um, sis, I suggest you run...

Rowanne: *sees the orb, and begins to run*

Calliope: *waves her hand and summons a venus flytrap that gobbles up Rowanne*...That's the way I roll...^^ *looks at Kaleb*...You can relax now...Tweetle Dumb will be taking some time to get out of there...

Kaleb: *sits down at the table and takes a scone*

Rowanne: *suffocating in the flytrap*

Whistea: Eh...^^"

Me: *walks in* So, are you guys getting along well?

Kaleb: Very ^^ *reaches for a teaspoon and a slice of cake*

Whistea: Ehe....*sweatdrop*

Me: So I guess you're now willing to accept that Kaleb will officially be living with us from now on, and he will not be leaving the family. EVER.

Rowanne: *from inside the flytrap* WHAT!?

Me: Oh come on, it'll be fun Ro *opens up the flytrap*

Kaleb: Yay, so I'm in! ^o^

Rowanne: XP *passes out*

~~~

And so begins the new life of my new Shikyu Kaleb. ^^

Now, if you don't mind, I think I'm gonna go grab a second helping of my brother's birthday cake. Later days! '-~

~M

Fragile Wishes

Day: August 6/10 Eating: apple-filled gingerbread pastries

Listening To: Hajimari No Hito by Suga Shikao

Mood: mellow, a little grey

So the Sanctuary will be under maintinance for the next few days so that means I get a break from the computer, right? Well, not really true. That means.....MORE TIME FOR MANGA READING! ^O^ Lol, I found some good series that I started to read, like Momo, Tegami Bachi, and Zombie-Loan (don't ask why, I have been in a little mood for mysteries/gory adventures lately). Arisa is another series and I can't wait for my favourite mangas like Barajou No Kiss and Stray Love Hearts to be updated with new chapters. Tooyama Ema's new manga KamiKami Kaeshi looks to be very interesting, judging from some of her amazing artwork I've seen (like I said amazing as usual) so I'll be staying tuned for that.

Have a very busy weekend ahead of me - tomorrow is my lil bro's b-day (he's turning 4! Haha, happy birthday! ^^) so I, like usually, will once again pull out my special watercolour paper, my lead pencil, eraser, paintbrushes, paints AND watercolour pencils and sits down to doodle a cute little card for him. I'm beginning to run out of ideas though for creative cards, but I hope my flow won't stop and I'll continue to make great cards that make everyone happy. I remembered of my concept of these animals I called 'Meefas' who are baby blue coloured, have bell-shaped heads with their fur poking in tufts at the bottom, big fluffy ears, smallish bodies but big puffy tails. I think I'll draw a card with one of those cause it's been forever since I've used them anywhere. Hope he likes it. ^^

Then this Sunday I'm going off to a wedding of one of my dad's friends, and he also happens to be my little brother's godfather (what a coinkidink!). It'll be like a normal wedding but I think with russian traditions, cause all of the people there speak russian (even though my family is ukrainian background) but I honestly don't know what to expect. To be honest, ever since I was little I've been paranoid about weddings, thinking how they are the end of the road, though I sometimes wonder if I'll ever have my own wedding when I grow up, or what it'll be like...

Ahem, so, anyways, I dunno why but I miss school. It's not really normal for someone like me who's tortured at school to wanna go back there. Yeah, I have one reason but I don't think it's a very valid one (I keep it to myself, unless you know it already *hint at my best friend who's following this blog*). I also wanna see everyone again and yeah, so that's a few more reasons right there. I hope that this year will be better than last because I've had to put up with so much stupidity I can't even start to describe it. There's also one girl I soooo don't wanna have in my class. I hate her for everything she did to me, and she hates me too. Wish she could get it deep down into her skull.

Oh, and that reminds me, before I go, I had talked to my best friend about my childhood friend John Sudol and how I've been trying to find him for all these years. We were tight friends, to be honest, and have been seperated many years ago. I've been trying to find him but without luck. I talked to my friend yesterday and she suggested we try looking on FB. We found one who could fit him, but after he accepted my friend's friend request and she looked over his profile he turned out to be older than my age, but the John I was friends with was and is my age. Ah, better luck next time. I'm still sure I'll see him one day though, judging from all those dreams I've been having.

And now I'm off to enjoy the nice breeze by the lake!

~M

Blackened Abyss

Day: July 31/10

Eating: drinking a glass of iced green tea
Listening To: Starry Waltz by Kukui

Mood: yearning for the stars

Hm, well, what can I say - today is the last day of July, which means I only got a month and a week before school starts again, and frankly, my lack of inspiration for things has been getting me nowhere.

It's been rather dark and dull here these past few days and I haven't been going out much lately because I've been feeling in pain. I feel trapped lately, like a butterfly in a cage, and no matter how hard I want I can't get out.

My favourite mangas haven't been updated yet and I watched all the new episodes of the anime series that I'm currently watching. If anyone knows any good mangas that they could recomend, PLEASE DO SO ASAP, cause frankly, I'm dieing of boredom.

Well, actually that's not fully true, cause I've been rather hooked on watching detective mysteries lately, such as the 60s (I think it's the 1960s...) American TV series Columbo, the russian version of Sherlock Holmes which was shot some odd 30 years ago I think, the American movie Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downy Junior (oh gosh the movie was sooo good....<3),and of course, my personal favourite, the TV series based on the popular books of Agatha Christie, it's Poirot! With them nearby I won't be bored any time soon

Oh, forgot to mention - I think I found a solution to what the connection between jake and Kai is! YAAAAY!!! d^-^b *does a happy dance* And I think this will sort a number of loopholes I've had cause it makes things simpler but at the same time makes the plot more interesting I think and more complex.

So, that's all for now. You'll be hearing from me now in August, but till then, I've got a book to work on, not only cause I wanna try publishing it but also cause a friend of mine today said she really wants to read at least a little bit of it. So for her and for everyone who's anxiously awaiting to find out more bout my book, I'll be trying to continue to write.

Later days! ^-~

~M

Red Demon

Day: July 30, 2010

Eating: nothing but I'm starved.....XP

Listening To: Pictures of You by The Last Goodnight

Mood: Frustrated >o<*

Okay, this is so definately not working out the way I want things to go....So, I've been thinking...if anyone does read my blog, maybe you guys could help a little bit? I'm so seriously stuck on this book but deep inside I want to finish it, so, I think maybe by posting a summary I could reread it and then understand how the questions in my previous posts could be answered. Phew, here goes nothing...

~

Basically, the book titles gives a hint to what the story is about. The main protagonist is a girl named Christine Hartes, who is branded as a carefree loner at school but at the same time a smart and talented one too. Her closest friend is a girl named Skye Geraldo, whom she trusts like her own sister, and for some time they have both had a crush on the same guy - Miles Greever. He's popular, funny, and accoarding to Skye totally into Christine. Too bad he makes too many cold jokes to truly show it.

Christine tries to bear with things as best as she can but sudden dreams of two boys begin to haunt her in her sleep, and she begins to sense that maybe paradise isn't so far away after all. It's one normal day that her world finally comes crashing down on her as some boys decide to humiliate in front of everyone. Loosing her cool calm Christine is overwhelmed with rage, yet the emotions give root to a pair of feathered black wings, curled ram's horns, a lion tail and even some claws. It is then that finally she meets Jake, one of the boys she's been having dreams about. Just like her he has wings, though white, and fills her in on her true life, the destiny she was so cruely taken away from.

That doesn't however fit into the plans of a certain someone, as Christine is attacked by the other boy, Kai, also with wings, this time grey, that wishes for her death. It's only after a quick save from Jake that Christine travels through a mirror portal to the world of Reilmore, made up of 3 races: Alphas, the winged race; Halums, the spirit race; and Feruns, the immortal race. Christine is a Hybrid Alpha, since only she has horns and tails, and because of her mix of both worlds she can't stay in one of the world for longer that 3 weeks, now that her true powers have been awakened inside.

Christine continues to go between the two worlds, trying to cope with her life while avoiding close attacks by Kai who continues following in her foot. There is a rule: an inhabitant of Reilmore can only enter the mortal world as long as another inhabitant of Reilmore is already there, and Christine's presence in that world brings her danger, and forces Jake to keep returning to her and protecting her from the blood-thirsty Kai.

It is after much convincing that Jake tells Christine about her past. She is the sole heir to the throne of Reilmore, to govern all three races as the superior Alpha. She became an orphan at an early age of 5, and one day met Jake on the streets, beaten up and hungry to death. She took him in and taking a liking to him became close friends with him. A few years had passed and just as Christine and Jake were beginning their happiness humans discovered the world, and took Christine as a lab rat. They tested her out, since she was the most important creature in the world, and as a result had overdosed her with other DNA which had resulted to her horns and tail. The result scared the scientists which erased it from all records, and trashed the poor girl for her death. It was only thanks to a boy that she was sent to the human world where she would be safe. She didn't remember who he was, only his golden aura and smile. Christine then understands - Jake has loved her, ever since the day he was saved and taken into care to the palace, and she feels like she hurt him by loving Miles.

Jake explains to her the most important fact though - she has to exist in only one world. If she doesn't and continues to be an incomplete being she'll have to wander between both worlds until she is either killed in one of them or her shade shrinks and she'll disappear. Christine continues to travel between the two worlds and understands that those who had hated her before are now beginning to see her differently, and doubt enters her mind. She is no longer sure whether to stay in this world she had once thought of as cruel, or go to the new world where everything she could possibly want will be there.

And it is then that through a twisted tail of events that Christine discovers that Jake's past is a blank page, and that there is a bigger chain connecting Jake and Kai than she had thought. And things begin to get more complicated as Jake's sudden worries and Kai's viciousness begin to unravel, and soon, Christine begins to wonder if things will ever change.

~

So, this is the summary of the book before the spoilers and loopholes appear. Maybe this will help me sort things out...

Oh, and the picture above I chose becuase it looks almost exactly the way I pictures Christine to be in her Hybrid Alpha form (however there is no tail and claws on the girl in the picture, and the colour of her eyes and hair differ). Plus, it's a stunning piece too, made by my favourite DeviantART artist, Nefis.

And now I must go continue writing this book.

~M

Playful Days

Day: July 28/10 Eating: cherries

Listening To: Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri

Mood: pumped

Don't let the song choice fool you, it's for a very specific reason that I'm listening to it. The melody is actually very beautiful, to be honest.

The reason I'm pumped is cause today is working out rather well, and I'm still rather happy from yesterday cause I got so much inspiration for my book and got to write quite a lot.

Half Queen is progressing well so far, but I'm only on Chapter 3, not even 15% into the whole story/book, and already I have 31 pages written. I'm no longer sure if writing a lot/detailed is a good thing, cause it's something I always do and I'm not sure if it's a good trait or not.

There is one thing however that just has me baning my head against the wall, and that is some loopholes later on in the story. Yeah, so Christina, the Hybrid Alpha, has to go between the two worlds so she's not killed by Kai, who hates her and wants to kill her, but there are details that I can't sort out.

1) How did she get to the human world?

2) Will Kai turn out to be related to her?

3) Will Jake turn out to be related to her?

4) What happened to her parents? (Well, accoarding to my thoughts right now she was an orphan from an early age but how did her parents die/thing like that?)

5) WHO THE HECK WILL SHE CHOOSE IN THE END!? Miles, in the human world, or Jake, the fantasy world of Reilmore?

Ugh I swear if I don't sort out these details my whole book will have loopholes. Maybe that's what editors are for which then means I'll be needing a good editor later on but I do have to come up with a solid plot. Gah, I curse it when I have such holes in my creativity! *walks up to a wall and smacks her head on it*

If anyone by any chance has any ideas on anything that they had read in books before and stuff, PLEASE LEMME KNOW! I'm dieing here without inspiration! I can't finish a book without fully writing it in my head...TT^TT

*sniffs* Oh well, I'll work on the things I can right now and then probably try sorting those things out when I start coming close to that part in the plot. Maybe that'll work...

~M

Naughty Little Angel

Day: July 26/10 Eating: nothing but I'm getting hungry...XP

Listening To: Dirty Little Secret by The All-American Rejects

Mood: sweet yet devilish

Another slow summer day...Ah I'm getting so fed up in these four walls....Not like I have somewhere better to go though, so I guess I'll put up with this for a while longer.

Went to the library today (woohoo!!! d^-^b) and got myself some more books to read so I can kill some more time. Right now, after about 80 pages into Devoured by Amanda Marrone I'm getting interesting in what kinda turn the story will take (hope not a suckish one or else I'll show no mercy and toss the book across the room).

What else happened...? Well, watched some more TV, played with my little brother a little, you know, usual routines. Couldn't be on at the time peak in the Sanctuary cause I was at the library at the time but oh well - can't get everything you want right?

Which also reminds me - read Full Dark's blog today. Happy that Full Dark and I became friends but still worried for her. Why does everyone piss her off so much? Wish I could help her stick em into place. Beh, I'll have to deal with the same things at school in September - too many bakas in my grade....XP

Events have been unraveling rather quickly, I mean the way Full dark is planning to step down from her rank, how Kirin-chan and I have been feeling lonely now a days...it's all too fast. I'm being sucked into the cyber world, fast, and if I don't pull out soon, I think I'll lose myself in it. It's not normal anymore how I'm replacing it with reality.

Meh why is life so complicated? What I'd give to try living in the cyber world for my whole life, to be carefree and not worry about what people think or say, about this stupid thing called money? Why are things so unfair?

.....................After all these questions, I have a sudden urge to let my frustration out.............Now if you'll excuse me................*jumps on her bed and starts punching her pillows* Stupid stupid world! XP

Calliope: ............Please don't mind Riri-san, she's just having another one of her little......'reality swings'..............

Rowanne: She should really rethink visiting a doctor, hehehe ^^

Whistea: *smacks Rowanne on the head with her scepter* Watch what you say - our mistress is just having a tough time, that's all. And you should learn to be more human and sensitive

Ah, my Shikyus.....I can always count on them. ^^

~M

Aphrodite's Garden (Random Short Story)

Day: July 8/10 Eating: slice of cherry cheesecake
Listening To: nothing at the moment

Mood: lightheaded, dreamy, inspired

Since I am feeling a bit off right now and I haven't posted in a while, I decided to post an entry but because I have nothing to talk about I want to write this short story here, as I am in a very creative and lightheaded mood. Hope you don't mind and enjoy this story of mine.

Oh, and by the way, the Greek gods in this story at at a teenage age, so picture them young and beautiful/hot, if you can, for example Aphrodite to the right - she is at a teenage ae. This is because when I think of Greek gods I imagine them always young between the ages of 15 and 19.

~

Of all the places said to exist in the world of the gods, Aphrodite's garden was said to be the most beautiful. There were huge trees unlike any of those that existed down on earth, big ponds with pink lotus blooming in its waters, and all kinds of birds and animals lived there. it was a garden only Aphrodite could come to, and not even Demeter or Persephony could understand how she had managed to keep such a beautiful garden all to herself. Aphrodite was not the goddess of flowers and gardens after all, so they were very curious about how she had managed to create such a garden.

But that did not trouble Aphrodite. This was her hideaway, the one place where none of the other gods or goddesses could enter, her peaceful little garden sanctuary. But even though no one knew where it was or had ever seen it didn't mean that word didn't go out about it. It was rumoured amongst the mortals that this was a garden specially grow for lovers, that Aphrodite's power of love blossomed in every flower and that even if couples were argueing once they smelled the flowers from her garden all of their troubles and fights would be forgotten as if they never were. That's why many mortals had gone out to look for the garden, but no one had ever found it.

It was one day that Aries had stormed into Mount Olympus, all angry over losing another war. It pained Venus to see her beloved Aries so angered, so she asked for him to come to her garden, where she hoped he'd feel better. Aries of course was very lightheaded and didn't understand right away what Aphrodite had wanted from this, but still agreed to go with her.

The garden was silent just like always, with no one around to disrupt them.There was never anyone there though, as none of the gods could find it. Aphrodite led Aries to a bench, where he sat quietly until in a few moments he began storming about something.

"Why, I could have won that war with my eyes closed!" Aries yelled. "Everyone knows that war is my game, not some king's who wishes to beat me at it. It isn't even possible!" Aphrodite smiled. Aries never changed, and that was why she loved him so much.

"Aries, do you know what kind of garden this is...?" she suddenly asked, catching Aries by suprise. All of a sudden he quieted down and thought. He hadn't even noticed how Aphrodite had led him here. What was this place? Was it Demeter's garden? It wasn't possible for anyone other than Persephony and Demeter to have such a garden

"It is my garden," Aphrodite whispered at last, her voice not that much above a whisper. "it is the only one of its kind to ever exist. Do you see all this coral and lotus flowers blooming? Demeter could never plant these herself, and Persephony, though so young, talented and ambituous she only dreams of this kind of success," Aphrodite went on, turning Aries' head towards her and looking deep into his chestnut eyes. "This garden has a calming affect on anyone who comes into it. Please, stay here alwas Aries - that way, you will never have to worry about losing another war..."

Aries thought a bit, but saying nothing smiled. It seemed like all the aquatic plants really did have an effect on him, a calming effect no one other than Aphrodite could have on him. There truly was no other place than Aphrodite's garden.

~

There go around rumours

of a garden out thre

where your anger melts

and you feel without care.

Many dream to come here

and see with their eyes

the pond with lotus

in the lost paradise.

In songs and in poems

it is told of this place

and its enchanting owner

hidden without trace.

~

Yeah, another really really REALLY random story. I had this inspiration to write this all of a sudden. You might ask - what's the point of this story? Well, not much really, just that Aphrodite has a garden that is said to calm down anyone, espcially fighting lovers, like in this case Aries (though he wasn't fighting with Aphrodite). There will be more stories to follow but I kinda wanted to write this one first. I've been rather tied to greek mythology since I was a kid and I still have a strong fascination about it.

Oh, what am I babbling about!? Well, off to write another story for the Sanctuary!

~M