Sakura Kiss

Day: January 16/11

Eating: nothing

Listening To: Mine, Yours by Luka Megurine (Vocaloid)

Mood: meh...piggyback, piggyback, piggyback!!

And once again, it's been over a month since I've last blogged. I hate how things manage to catch up with me and distract me along the way. So freakin annoying...

But I gotta admit, my life has been very much like a rollercoaster for this past long while, and it.s not that easy, trying to sort out things while keeping up with your hobbies and other things you are doing.

So, now to catch up on over a month's time.

It's been over a month since I've become a Deck Sister of Diamond. It's a lot of fun, welcoming the others in the Game Room, seeing my sisters around (though Heart is a brat like always..), Spade is kinda quiet like always, curled with a book, and Clover hasn't really been coming around much (maybe I should drop by her Restaraunt..?)

The rest of the Sanctuary is full of life as usual, more Newborns coming in, others applying, and the other dolls having fun together. The Amakura Dragon Festival went by as well. Not that I dropped by a lot in it....

But things are pretty much like normally.

At school though, now that's where the mine field starts.

I hate that even in my last year knowing all the people I know such a, a...moronic incident. There is no other word to describe it, other than it is a triangle of selfishness and lust between me, my former crush (and ex, well, if you wana be REALLY technical) and the girl who I've been very close with like a sister. It's stupid to go poking fingers, saying who did what wrong and all so I won't do that. All I can say is that this all better sort out because Friday, at our Ukrainian Christmas Malanka dance, it was just a nightmare.

No one understands me anymore. Heck, no one ever did. I feel like a little girl, walking up to a group of adults who are busy talking and laughing, then I pull on their sleeves and they say 'Not now dear, wait for us to finish'

That's about the worst feeling someone can have, especially when they're in the company of people who they considered their friends.

I'm not mad at anyone, but things are going for the worst. I can't stay with someone anymore without knowing that any second something could inturupt and everything flies off to the wind.

I'm tired. It just makes everything so pointless, all the effort to be happy goes to waste. Everything you try to build up, this sugary frosted world, comes crashing down on you. People are divided, and it just turns into a breathing nightmare. This is why most of last year I had so hated going to school, and at the beginning of this year when I was happy going to school, I had hoped that last year would never repeat itself.

And to be honest, it didn't, no - things just got a lot WORSE.

At least on here I can post and write what I really feel deep inside, and not worry that people will strangle me, call me a selfish bitch, or some other annoying revelation. Because if that's all they can come up with, then originality has just flown out the window in the world.

I need to find another way of distracting myself, and as soon as school finishes in June, after summer, when I might be able to still talk to the people I knew, it's better that starting in high school in September I forget about them, because memories of the past just linger and dig up old wounds I'd want to forget.

~M

PS: Sof, if you read this, either way, sooner or later, it doesn't matter, I just want to ask you - don't tell me you read this. Please just keep it to yourself, as well as any thoughts you have after reading this blog post.

Because I have to be fair and spill my own thoughts at least somewhere, and only you know about this blog, so at least I'm happy the whole grade won't see this.

Endless Nocturne

Day: September 6/10

Eating: nothing, but that doesn't matter - nothing will go down my throat willingly
Listening To: Release of the Far West Ocean by Falcom Sound Team

Mood: nervous as hell, and I wanna turn inside out in my skin

Okay, so like I said - last blog entry of the summer. *sighs* Gotta take a deep breath cause right now I'm shakin like a dog. This always happens before the first day back - curse my weak nerves!

So, I didn't get much done today. Okay....I did nothing. Just played some video games and that's about all. Still have to pack a few things for tomorrow. Right now though my brain is rushing by so fast that I can't even concentrate on one thought.

I hope to do a lot of things this year at school, mainly to change the way people see me. I'm tiered that I always allow myself to be tricked or used by people even though I know of the consiquences. I'm naturally weak inside and don't fight back. Also, as surprising as it sounds, I wanna try getting over my crush. Yeah, you heard me. Not that there's anything wrong with him, I just don't wanna get too...attached....after all I'll most likely not see him in high school.

Other than my normal hopes and plans there's nothing much more. Just hope this coming year will be more or less a good one without anything I'll regret. All i gotta do now is calm down my nerves and get some sleep for tomorrow.

~M

Blackened Abyss

Day: July 31/10

Eating: drinking a glass of iced green tea
Listening To: Starry Waltz by Kukui

Mood: yearning for the stars

Hm, well, what can I say - today is the last day of July, which means I only got a month and a week before school starts again, and frankly, my lack of inspiration for things has been getting me nowhere.

It's been rather dark and dull here these past few days and I haven't been going out much lately because I've been feeling in pain. I feel trapped lately, like a butterfly in a cage, and no matter how hard I want I can't get out.

My favourite mangas haven't been updated yet and I watched all the new episodes of the anime series that I'm currently watching. If anyone knows any good mangas that they could recomend, PLEASE DO SO ASAP, cause frankly, I'm dieing of boredom.

Well, actually that's not fully true, cause I've been rather hooked on watching detective mysteries lately, such as the 60s (I think it's the 1960s...) American TV series Columbo, the russian version of Sherlock Holmes which was shot some odd 30 years ago I think, the American movie Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downy Junior (oh gosh the movie was sooo good....<3),and of course, my personal favourite, the TV series based on the popular books of Agatha Christie, it's Poirot! With them nearby I won't be bored any time soon

Oh, forgot to mention - I think I found a solution to what the connection between jake and Kai is! YAAAAY!!! d^-^b *does a happy dance* And I think this will sort a number of loopholes I've had cause it makes things simpler but at the same time makes the plot more interesting I think and more complex.

So, that's all for now. You'll be hearing from me now in August, but till then, I've got a book to work on, not only cause I wanna try publishing it but also cause a friend of mine today said she really wants to read at least a little bit of it. So for her and for everyone who's anxiously awaiting to find out more bout my book, I'll be trying to continue to write.

Later days! ^-~

~M