Sakura Kiss

Day: January 16/11

Eating: nothing

Listening To: Mine, Yours by Luka Megurine (Vocaloid)

Mood: meh...piggyback, piggyback, piggyback!!

And once again, it's been over a month since I've last blogged. I hate how things manage to catch up with me and distract me along the way. So freakin annoying...

But I gotta admit, my life has been very much like a rollercoaster for this past long while, and it.s not that easy, trying to sort out things while keeping up with your hobbies and other things you are doing.

So, now to catch up on over a month's time.

It's been over a month since I've become a Deck Sister of Diamond. It's a lot of fun, welcoming the others in the Game Room, seeing my sisters around (though Heart is a brat like always..), Spade is kinda quiet like always, curled with a book, and Clover hasn't really been coming around much (maybe I should drop by her Restaraunt..?)

The rest of the Sanctuary is full of life as usual, more Newborns coming in, others applying, and the other dolls having fun together. The Amakura Dragon Festival went by as well. Not that I dropped by a lot in it....

But things are pretty much like normally.

At school though, now that's where the mine field starts.

I hate that even in my last year knowing all the people I know such a, a...moronic incident. There is no other word to describe it, other than it is a triangle of selfishness and lust between me, my former crush (and ex, well, if you wana be REALLY technical) and the girl who I've been very close with like a sister. It's stupid to go poking fingers, saying who did what wrong and all so I won't do that. All I can say is that this all better sort out because Friday, at our Ukrainian Christmas Malanka dance, it was just a nightmare.

No one understands me anymore. Heck, no one ever did. I feel like a little girl, walking up to a group of adults who are busy talking and laughing, then I pull on their sleeves and they say 'Not now dear, wait for us to finish'

That's about the worst feeling someone can have, especially when they're in the company of people who they considered their friends.

I'm not mad at anyone, but things are going for the worst. I can't stay with someone anymore without knowing that any second something could inturupt and everything flies off to the wind.

I'm tired. It just makes everything so pointless, all the effort to be happy goes to waste. Everything you try to build up, this sugary frosted world, comes crashing down on you. People are divided, and it just turns into a breathing nightmare. This is why most of last year I had so hated going to school, and at the beginning of this year when I was happy going to school, I had hoped that last year would never repeat itself.

And to be honest, it didn't, no - things just got a lot WORSE.

At least on here I can post and write what I really feel deep inside, and not worry that people will strangle me, call me a selfish bitch, or some other annoying revelation. Because if that's all they can come up with, then originality has just flown out the window in the world.

I need to find another way of distracting myself, and as soon as school finishes in June, after summer, when I might be able to still talk to the people I knew, it's better that starting in high school in September I forget about them, because memories of the past just linger and dig up old wounds I'd want to forget.

~M

PS: Sof, if you read this, either way, sooner or later, it doesn't matter, I just want to ask you - don't tell me you read this. Please just keep it to yourself, as well as any thoughts you have after reading this blog post.

Because I have to be fair and spill my own thoughts at least somewhere, and only you know about this blog, so at least I'm happy the whole grade won't see this.

Forgotten Wonderland

Day: August 30/10 Eating: milk chocolate

Listening To: Dance Inside by The All-American Rejects

Mood: creative, hopeless, forgotten

I wish I could be Alice right now and take a leap through that rabbit hole and into Wonderland, but unlike her, I bet you I'd never come out of there, not even for all the money in the world.

It's my last. week. of. summer. That already spells out 'drama' in more than a dozen ways. Not that I miss summer too much - it would be nice to get back to school and stuff some more knowledge into my head.

I've actually been pretty bored latly. If I could, I'd crawl into one of my favourite animes and just live in there for the rest of my life but sadly, I can't do that. It's painful living every day in such a reality where you hate everything you're doing. But that's life, and you gotta pick up the slack to it.

So what else...? I don't know. I just feel like I'm suffocating again. It's not like I wanna leave this world but living in it doesn't bring too uch happiness. Believe me, I'm super far from being an emo child but how can I say this, I look at life for what it is, not the sugar coated trash people try to shove under my nose. That's what makes me sick of life. All I can rely on is a better future where fences won't stop me from reaching my heights.

Now all that's left is to enjoy this last week of summer, cause next Tuesday it's school again and I'll be seeing everyone around. At least this summer I was able to find a solitude, a little paradise where I could be safely hidden awaywithout worrying about people coming after me and ruining that dream.

I really got out of blogging lately but I think once school starts this blog will liven up a little with all my talking about school and how constantly I'm being harassed. Haha, it's gonna be a normal life again.....yuppie.....baka baka classmates....

~M