Dissintigrated Angels

Day: September 7/10

Eating: sugar glazed puff pastries

Listening To: When I Look at You by Miley Cyrus

Mood: ......wth....?

Okay....so, like I promised, here's an update on my first day back at school. But to be honest, right now, I can't sort out my own feelings. If someone can unjamble my thoughts, kindly do so. I don't feel like myself right now, so therefore I won't be talking about my first day of school in the sense of who I have in my class and what class I'm in - my emotions are more important than that - what I feel, what I think.

Right now though I just wanna breathe it all out cause you know what, I think I've found the problem. Him, and...him.....the two 'him's are beginning to slowly rot my brain. Sof, if you're reading this don't try to understand, cause I don't know myself. It's just so messed.

I feel trapped right now, like someone capped a top over my life and I'm sliding around in a bottle. I got seperated from him as we're now in seperate classes, but just when I thought I'd stop liking anyone I looked at the other him. Why is it that my feelings are frozen one moment and melting the other? Why? Why is everything so wrong? I'm not supposed to like him. It's not love, it shouldn't be even like, but I still feel something for him. What is wrong with me...He's stuck in my mind now.

*slams head on the desk* Grr this ain't normal. I curse you both - you're the only two guys who have ever stolen my sanity and made me gasp for breath every single moment. Is this what living is like? I feel like a fallen angel around you two, so helpless yet hopeful. Nothing calms me down anymore but being around you both. Even through all those insults you might give me or cold jokes...why? I don't know what to do. I'm not meant to feel like this, to feel so attached. I've never felt human but this....

*sighs* Just let my brain take a rest, listen to some more music. Maybe that'll calm me down and I'll see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully my sanity will return so I won't crumple in my own hands. Let the night breeze sweep the thoughts clean.

~M

Crystal Wings

Day: August 19, 2010

Eating: nothing, but frankly, I'm not craving anything either

Listening To: Lost Butterfly by Rurutia

Mood: sooo.....happy.....TT^TT

I HAVE RETURNED MY NORMAL POST EDITOR BACK! *Hallelujah song plays in the background* My stupid blog marked it under 'Old Post Editor' so I changed the settings to the old post editor and now I can finally edit my posts normally again....*tearing up* Ah, that makes me so happy...Let's just hope nothing more crashes on me or that I won't lose the current post editor *hugs it* Mine, you hear me Blogger team peoples, MINE! Take it away and my whole blogging experience will crash!

Ah, no more screwed up spacing, or, or...Ah, it's so good to have you back...

Ahem, so now that my happy phras is over and done with I can get onto some bigger news....I GOT A CELLPHONE!!! *does a happy dance* Hehe, now I can be more independant and whenever mom and I have to go shopping I'll have it to call dad instead of worrying and wondering when he'll pick us up. I like it. Even though it's not one of those new ones with the slide out keyboard made especially for texting I still like it. It's easy to carry and handle.

Hum, what else has happened to me so far...? Well I've been watching more animes and picked up some new mangas. Too many books on hold at the library for me, 95% of which are mangas. LOL, what can I say, I'm a heavy reader.

Haven't made much progress on my book though. That's upsetting me cause I've been wanting to work super hard on it all summer. I had a few more mental images from the book in my head though, but I still can't get to putting it down on paper. What can I say, I'm hell lazy at times.

Everything else has been rather quiet around the Sanctuary. It's almost 2 months since I've been there. Ah, time sure flies. I've been talking a lot to everyone around there, and things have been rather fun. Hope I still can spend time over there when I start school - it'll one heck of a chaos next year after all.

Speaking of school, around three weeks are left. When it'll officially be a week the countdown to school begins. A part of me wants to get back but a part of me is still holding back and doesn't wanna give in. It's like two different people are having a war inside my body to take over...

Oh well, let's hope everything turns up well. And now I think I'll be going to get a breath full of free air out by the lake - it's sure been a while since I've gone out.

~M