Oceanlit Sonata

Day: February 28/11
Eating: nothing - not hungry
Listening To: Fu**ing Perfect by Pink
Mood: screw off all of you scared cowards, I'm just this awesome!

People people people...You just really just can't leave a girl alone now can you? Only my second day on Formspring and I already get a message that says 'Fix your zits'. Please be accurate. It's acne scars. You're killing the language here, at least be accurate with what you say. Geez. The world is suffering cause you can't properly express your thoughts. LMFAO.

Sorry for that really weird intro, but that's the way I felt like starting off. It sucks that people can't keep their opinions to themselves sometimes.
Anyways, on a better note, school is fine overall. People who dislike me keep their opinions to themselves. I'm not being crushed by people and their stupid little thoughts which really don't matter. Although on a little worse note, I'm slipping with homework. GOTTA CATCH UP! But I'm too lazy....Waah. I'm such a lazy ass lately, not even joking.

On another note, there's this one guy who keeps getting into a close friendship zone and things are getting pretty darn awkward. Today one of my friends pushed me and him together and he ended up hurting me badly with his jaw. Now a small part of my upper lip is swollen cause I cut myself with the braces from the impact. Talk about 'Ow moment'. I don't agree with my friends on the idea that he likes me and is planning to ask me out. It would just be pretty weird and that's really like the last thing I want.

It's already March tomorrow. Can't believe it. Feels like just yesterday was the first day of 2011 and now it's already March. It doesn't even feel like 2011, more like an extension of 2010. I kinda wish it was though, because 2010 was one amazing year that I can't complain about. Sure there were ups and downs but it was one interesting year. And I miss some of the moments, even if I can't get them back.

I don't really even know what to say. Gosh, before I felt like there was so much to say and now I'm struggling to think with ideas. There probably isn't anything else I can add. In brief though, a guy is trying to pick me up, I have friends I can rely on for the time, I'm starting to look at my little crush more as a friend than as a romantic kind of way, homework kills, bitches are still lurking, and life's beautiful. So if you like my zits or not I don't give two shits about that - they complete me, and I'm beautiful on the inside, at least I don't rot inside. Phew, this is just awesome to say. I feel so freakin energized that I probably won't be able to sleep now.

You mess with me, you go down. I don't joke. I might not be physically strong but watch it, that gives you no reasons to mess with meh. Capish? Capish.

And now I must go off and sleep, prepare for another long day.

~M

Dissintigrated Angels

Day: September 7/10

Eating: sugar glazed puff pastries

Listening To: When I Look at You by Miley Cyrus

Mood: ......wth....?

Okay....so, like I promised, here's an update on my first day back at school. But to be honest, right now, I can't sort out my own feelings. If someone can unjamble my thoughts, kindly do so. I don't feel like myself right now, so therefore I won't be talking about my first day of school in the sense of who I have in my class and what class I'm in - my emotions are more important than that - what I feel, what I think.

Right now though I just wanna breathe it all out cause you know what, I think I've found the problem. Him, and...him.....the two 'him's are beginning to slowly rot my brain. Sof, if you're reading this don't try to understand, cause I don't know myself. It's just so messed.

I feel trapped right now, like someone capped a top over my life and I'm sliding around in a bottle. I got seperated from him as we're now in seperate classes, but just when I thought I'd stop liking anyone I looked at the other him. Why is it that my feelings are frozen one moment and melting the other? Why? Why is everything so wrong? I'm not supposed to like him. It's not love, it shouldn't be even like, but I still feel something for him. What is wrong with me...He's stuck in my mind now.

*slams head on the desk* Grr this ain't normal. I curse you both - you're the only two guys who have ever stolen my sanity and made me gasp for breath every single moment. Is this what living is like? I feel like a fallen angel around you two, so helpless yet hopeful. Nothing calms me down anymore but being around you both. Even through all those insults you might give me or cold jokes...why? I don't know what to do. I'm not meant to feel like this, to feel so attached. I've never felt human but this....

*sighs* Just let my brain take a rest, listen to some more music. Maybe that'll calm me down and I'll see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully my sanity will return so I won't crumple in my own hands. Let the night breeze sweep the thoughts clean.

~M