Cutsey Bunny: Nom-Nom

Day: April 11/11

Eating: drinking some Ginger Ale
Listening To: Paparazzi by Lady GaGa
Mood: fuzzy, but if you touch I just might bite your hand off

April...how fast time flies...Already only 2 and a half months of school left. Luckily my fellow doll friends are already on their summer holidays, on well deserved breaks. Wish I could say the same for myself...

School has been very draining, and too unpredictable for my taste.
my friends seem to dwindle around the idea that one of my fellow classmates has a crush on me, and even my Formspring page has showed a question that has been sent to me three times. Their little 'theory' has frankly been rather unrealistic and unsupported, as well as tiresome and getting to becoming annoying. He doesn't like me, wish we could all put a cross on that and more on. But no, they believe so much that he'll come around or even confess. My heads all spinning...

My ex has toned the following around down (yaay!) which has given me more room to breath, finally. My hobo friend is around me though and I have someone reliable to talk and spend time with. My other friends...some I'm still close to, others I'm drifting away from, one girl I'm talking to a lot more now than I used to.
School's annoying however, mainly the homework and classes. Our class is absolutely horrifying during Ukrainian and French (tehehe at the Ukrainian...) and some people just don't know when to stop (hint hint). Our teacher keeps kicking some people out and warning others but nothing seems to be working.

But summer's fast approaching, the weather is getting warmed, but birthday is also coming in just a little over a month, and then it's out *hopefully still not cancelled* Quebec trip and graduation. Time flies fast...

When you concentrate on some things you forget about the importance of others. People, things, places, thoughts, all are dug deep inside of you and sometimes no matter what you're not able to bring them back.
I wonder if I could set things right with a few people, how would things have turned out? If one person could see me in a different way, how would he see me? Am I a cuddly bunny to him that'll just nom his hand off if he pisses me off?

Photographic Memories

Day: December/10

Eating: nothing, and I'm not hungry

Listening To: Sanctuary by The Outsyder

Mood: hyperness FTW!!

I'm back in business peoples!! Yeah, I know, it's been forever, please don't kill me for not coming back to blog often, but, you get what you get when you go to school, and when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. And what a ride it's been, these past three or so months.

Holy, I can't even describe how things have changed, more for the better than for the worse.

I've finally gotten over one of the guys (not fully, but almost). That's a huge improvement, since I won't end up hurting myself in the end, or rather, him hurting me. And as Christmas and the last day of school before the holidays approaches I want to do something for the other guy, the guy I truly like. Just something special, to make him remember me, even if we don't see each other in high school.

There's really not that much more to say due to my hperness overload so I won't ring off your ears, just gonna go chillax a bit and gather up with ideas and thoughts. Oh, I've come up with a few improvements on my book and quite a number of things have happened to me over in the Sanctuary, but for my 'back in busness' post, this should be good enough, no overlading.

Looks like finally, just maybe, life will take a turn. And I hope it's gonna bring me more happiness than sorrow, and if I cry, they won't be saddness but relief. If all my memories could be caught in a jar right now it would be overflowing to the brim, with my memories, both of pain and laughter, of things I'd never want to let go of.

~M

Staircase to Heaven

Day: September 9/10

Eating: cherry strudel

Listening To: Halo by Beyonce

Mood: broken down

Honestly I don't even know what to feel anymore. Don't get me wrong - I'm not going emo or anything but the faster my brain is rushing on things, like it is lately, the faster I run out of juice. Things so aren't going easy, that I know for sure. Grade 8 has proven to be a greater challenge than I had thought it was, and in a number of points I underestimated it.

I've managed to regain my confidence when I look at who are concidered the 'popular people' because right now, I don't feel that I'm, if that much worse, that different from them, particularly one girl who I always worry about and try comparing myself to (let's see how good you are at guessing this Sof ^^). But now I don't really think that way. I see myself as different from everyone, yes, but in some aspects uncomparable. So it hasn't been bothering me so strongly as before.

The greatest problem is however is the emotional rollercoaster that's been going on non-stop these past few days since I've come to school. Okay, seriously, can someone calm that guy down!? He's not acting normal I swear. If he puts another toe in the same direction he's been heading for the past while then I wish him luck surviving my anger, cause I'll tell him off for two years, and trust me, that's a lot of ranting!

On the bright side I'm feeling a little easier in regards to my feelings. Looks like my emotions for my crush have frozen down a little so I've maintained a basicly calm nature lately, which is good. The other guy....well I'm calm about him too. I don't wanna have any feelings for either of them stirring up before the next coming dance. That's when I normally become soft and nerve wrecked.

And now I'm off to have another cup of warm orange peacoy tea that will officially calm down my thoughts and hopefully tomorrow will follow in another one of the peaceful patterns I've been having lately. I'm not in the mood for much adventure lately, so let's hope it's avoided.

~M

Dissintigrated Angels

Day: September 7/10

Eating: sugar glazed puff pastries

Listening To: When I Look at You by Miley Cyrus

Mood: ......wth....?

Okay....so, like I promised, here's an update on my first day back at school. But to be honest, right now, I can't sort out my own feelings. If someone can unjamble my thoughts, kindly do so. I don't feel like myself right now, so therefore I won't be talking about my first day of school in the sense of who I have in my class and what class I'm in - my emotions are more important than that - what I feel, what I think.

Right now though I just wanna breathe it all out cause you know what, I think I've found the problem. Him, and...him.....the two 'him's are beginning to slowly rot my brain. Sof, if you're reading this don't try to understand, cause I don't know myself. It's just so messed.

I feel trapped right now, like someone capped a top over my life and I'm sliding around in a bottle. I got seperated from him as we're now in seperate classes, but just when I thought I'd stop liking anyone I looked at the other him. Why is it that my feelings are frozen one moment and melting the other? Why? Why is everything so wrong? I'm not supposed to like him. It's not love, it shouldn't be even like, but I still feel something for him. What is wrong with me...He's stuck in my mind now.

*slams head on the desk* Grr this ain't normal. I curse you both - you're the only two guys who have ever stolen my sanity and made me gasp for breath every single moment. Is this what living is like? I feel like a fallen angel around you two, so helpless yet hopeful. Nothing calms me down anymore but being around you both. Even through all those insults you might give me or cold jokes...why? I don't know what to do. I'm not meant to feel like this, to feel so attached. I've never felt human but this....

*sighs* Just let my brain take a rest, listen to some more music. Maybe that'll calm me down and I'll see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully my sanity will return so I won't crumple in my own hands. Let the night breeze sweep the thoughts clean.

~M