Twin Breeze

Day: October 8/10

Eating: drinking a cup of tea

Listening To: Dance Inside by The All-American Rejects

Mood: probably none - just floating around in the clouds

Oh. My. GOD. I swear school is gonna kill me. So much to do, so little time. Or is it just me being so lazy? Either way I'm gonna die if I keep going at this pace, qnd it only gets worse in high school. So looks like I gotta pick it up.

I've been terrorized by a handful of people lately and it's beginning to take another tole on me. Sure I like anime and manga, yes I like ball jointed dolls, and yeah I made up a story to one of my friend that I was a 'witch' but that's the way I am - I care about my doll family so much and I just love making up stories like that. So guess what - just go tell someone else that shit, someone who'll actually buy it. Cause here, right now, I'm bulletproof, and you can't get any dirt on me.

Speaking of my doll life, I actually got promoted to Season Spirit of November - Luna! I'm so happy. I actually think that the month of November fits me better than the month of January, which had been my original hope for a rank. Autumn is more of my season, the cool breezes, the medium temperature, crisp appleas and walking in the gentle winds through the park while the leaves brush the path clean of all your footsteps.

Yes, I am the wind blowing life into the world in this month. It's my wings that carry the winds upon them.

I'm ever so grateful the Council and Mi-chama had decided to promote me. Now I'll work harder than ever to continue making the Sanctuary a wonderful place. Being on a Semi-Hiatus is never an excuse.

~M

Obscure Tears

Day: September 23/10

Eating: drinking a cup of tea

Listening To: Arabesque by Rurutia

Mood: drifting, half and half

Gosh I've been so out of blogging lately...=_=

Truth is I've been so caught up with things that I can't even spend a little time to focus on my blog that I've been so attached to. Heck it's the same thing with almost everything that I've cared about - it just feels like I've lost my touch.

School is going by well for the most part, though the pirannah has been acting up a little bit recently, thinking she's so cool and yelling a mocking 'Hi!' out from the school bus window. How I wish her tongue was twisted into knots so she'd leave me alone. How do you get it into people's brains - I. Don't. Want. To. Know. You. That's it. DIDDO. And even if you tell me you hate me too you still continue to whisper behind my back and pay so much attention to me. So I'm not gonna waste any more energy on her. If I have to I'll teach her a fir lesson and go straight up to my teacher but maybe I'll teach her in my own method.

Everything really feels the same and at moments a little obscure, at least for me. I wonder why I have been feeling so confused deep inside, why I can't decide between people, between what I want and what I don't, who I don't like and who I do.

I still wish sometimes that i could cry everything out, just everything that's been building up in me all these years. It's useless, walking around half dead like I've been for so long. I'm stuck between hapinness and sorrow, etween light and dark. What use is it to be a half when you're not complete, when you can't feel alive?

~M

White Iris

Day: September 14/10

Eating: layered waffer cake

Listening To: The Only Exception by Paramore

Mood: light, free, careless

This little blizzard inside of me is suddenly and surprisingly growing into a pleasant feeling. I never though something that began as something so depressing could turn into something so free, so pleasant. I've been in the midst of many fights lately, most among my friends or those people who aren't in my class but I still look over at, and I've been feeling isolated because of that. I mean my best friend is trying to keep a stalker jerk away from her while another friend of mine is hanging around that same stalker jerk. My crush hasn't been noticing me and rumours have slowly been drifting around about me again. But even amongst this seemingly lonely blizzard I'm feeling safe right now, safely guarded from everything and everyone.

I would give everything though, to see two people, two people I hold dear. One whom I have not yet met, but I feel his presence, that sweet smell that lingers lately, and a gentle breeze that passes by like a hushed voice; the one I am destined to meet. The other is one whom I should have forgotten, but hold dear within me. He is still by my side no matter how often I feel that he has left me, my first ever childish love, a memory that still lingers in my mind. It's these two that seperate my roads and make me wonder of how life will change. Yes there are others who I care about, like my close friend, my crush, and others, classmates of mine, but I can't help but feel ties to these two.

Ah, how twisted life is. But I've met so many wonderful people, especially the dolls, who help me see every day that even when I think that life has taken a turn for the worst, it's not fully dark until I give up on everything. I'm grateful to these people, even though I've said this thousands of times I still feel like I haven't said it enough.

It's one day though that I'll have the strength to stand on my own and let everything sink into me. But until that day comes I'll still rely on those people I know. Becoming a doll has showed me how life could be for me, and I met new people I wouldn't have met on the other side of this globe. My classmates, my friends, even my enemies - who, though I hate, still teach me things - ar blocks of my life. It's like they say, you can't rush to make a jigsaw puzzle until you have all the pieces. I won't rush with mine and take it a step at a time so everything could take it's turn.

'Life's not measured by the number of breaths you take,

but the number of moments that take your breath away'

~M

House of Cards

Day: September 11/10

Eating: cocoa wafer rolls

Listening To: Remedy by Little Boots
Mood: forgotten, curious

Ah, I think I'm beginning to slowly feel better. Not fully of course but just a little bit. How I hate drawing title pages lately though, and just my luck - I have 3 of them to do: one for Geography, another for Science and another for History. I wish I had a sudden slam of an idea hit me so that I could get the whole assignment over with.

On a brighter note.....KH BIRTH BY SLEEP IS OUT FOR ALMOST A WEEK 8D Lol, call me a fan but I'm growing addicted to the series. I really wanna get it - so far it's #1 on my Video Games list which I wanna get. I heard already that it's like no other game from the series and that makes me feel all hyper excited already. Of course, it does cost quite a bit so I gotta save up money...=_=

And I've officially applied to try becoming a Gem in the Sanctuary. Sure gonna be something cause I need an approval from all the current Gems and four of the Doll Council members, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it - as long as I try my best I shouldn't be disappointed because I know I gave it everything I've got.

What else should I mention...? Um, I dunno. I'm looking forward to this grade 8 year though, because of the Me To We, grad board, grad year book, and the Idol Talent Show we're holding. Gotta muster up my courage this year and audition - I think I've found the perfect song to sing. I plan to sing Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri so that means I've gotta perfect it soon since the talent show will most likely be between Christmas and February, and in my opinion winter is the perfect place to hold a talent show. Right now though I wanna enjoy myself a little bit, go listen to some more music and maybe write a little bit of my book.

~M

Staircase to Heaven

Day: September 9/10

Eating: cherry strudel

Listening To: Halo by Beyonce

Mood: broken down

Honestly I don't even know what to feel anymore. Don't get me wrong - I'm not going emo or anything but the faster my brain is rushing on things, like it is lately, the faster I run out of juice. Things so aren't going easy, that I know for sure. Grade 8 has proven to be a greater challenge than I had thought it was, and in a number of points I underestimated it.

I've managed to regain my confidence when I look at who are concidered the 'popular people' because right now, I don't feel that I'm, if that much worse, that different from them, particularly one girl who I always worry about and try comparing myself to (let's see how good you are at guessing this Sof ^^). But now I don't really think that way. I see myself as different from everyone, yes, but in some aspects uncomparable. So it hasn't been bothering me so strongly as before.

The greatest problem is however is the emotional rollercoaster that's been going on non-stop these past few days since I've come to school. Okay, seriously, can someone calm that guy down!? He's not acting normal I swear. If he puts another toe in the same direction he's been heading for the past while then I wish him luck surviving my anger, cause I'll tell him off for two years, and trust me, that's a lot of ranting!

On the bright side I'm feeling a little easier in regards to my feelings. Looks like my emotions for my crush have frozen down a little so I've maintained a basicly calm nature lately, which is good. The other guy....well I'm calm about him too. I don't wanna have any feelings for either of them stirring up before the next coming dance. That's when I normally become soft and nerve wrecked.

And now I'm off to have another cup of warm orange peacoy tea that will officially calm down my thoughts and hopefully tomorrow will follow in another one of the peaceful patterns I've been having lately. I'm not in the mood for much adventure lately, so let's hope it's avoided.

~M

Dissintigrated Angels

Day: September 7/10

Eating: sugar glazed puff pastries

Listening To: When I Look at You by Miley Cyrus

Mood: ......wth....?

Okay....so, like I promised, here's an update on my first day back at school. But to be honest, right now, I can't sort out my own feelings. If someone can unjamble my thoughts, kindly do so. I don't feel like myself right now, so therefore I won't be talking about my first day of school in the sense of who I have in my class and what class I'm in - my emotions are more important than that - what I feel, what I think.

Right now though I just wanna breathe it all out cause you know what, I think I've found the problem. Him, and...him.....the two 'him's are beginning to slowly rot my brain. Sof, if you're reading this don't try to understand, cause I don't know myself. It's just so messed.

I feel trapped right now, like someone capped a top over my life and I'm sliding around in a bottle. I got seperated from him as we're now in seperate classes, but just when I thought I'd stop liking anyone I looked at the other him. Why is it that my feelings are frozen one moment and melting the other? Why? Why is everything so wrong? I'm not supposed to like him. It's not love, it shouldn't be even like, but I still feel something for him. What is wrong with me...He's stuck in my mind now.

*slams head on the desk* Grr this ain't normal. I curse you both - you're the only two guys who have ever stolen my sanity and made me gasp for breath every single moment. Is this what living is like? I feel like a fallen angel around you two, so helpless yet hopeful. Nothing calms me down anymore but being around you both. Even through all those insults you might give me or cold jokes...why? I don't know what to do. I'm not meant to feel like this, to feel so attached. I've never felt human but this....

*sighs* Just let my brain take a rest, listen to some more music. Maybe that'll calm me down and I'll see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully my sanity will return so I won't crumple in my own hands. Let the night breeze sweep the thoughts clean.

~M

Endless Nocturne

Day: September 6/10

Eating: nothing, but that doesn't matter - nothing will go down my throat willingly
Listening To: Release of the Far West Ocean by Falcom Sound Team

Mood: nervous as hell, and I wanna turn inside out in my skin

Okay, so like I said - last blog entry of the summer. *sighs* Gotta take a deep breath cause right now I'm shakin like a dog. This always happens before the first day back - curse my weak nerves!

So, I didn't get much done today. Okay....I did nothing. Just played some video games and that's about all. Still have to pack a few things for tomorrow. Right now though my brain is rushing by so fast that I can't even concentrate on one thought.

I hope to do a lot of things this year at school, mainly to change the way people see me. I'm tiered that I always allow myself to be tricked or used by people even though I know of the consiquences. I'm naturally weak inside and don't fight back. Also, as surprising as it sounds, I wanna try getting over my crush. Yeah, you heard me. Not that there's anything wrong with him, I just don't wanna get too...attached....after all I'll most likely not see him in high school.

Other than my normal hopes and plans there's nothing much more. Just hope this coming year will be more or less a good one without anything I'll regret. All i gotta do now is calm down my nerves and get some sleep for tomorrow.

~M

Waning Paradise

Day: September 3/10 Eating: milk chocolate waffers

Listening To: Hello Seattle by Owl City

Mood: refreshed, hopeful

I've been feeling refreshed from yesterday's facial I got at Yves Rocher. It's a good thing I went to talk to a professional cause all this acne was honestly getting out of hand and my pores were about as clogged as ever. Of course I'm not exactly the type of person to get a facial so I wasn't used to it but it was fun, I'm planning on going there every month or so, maybe a few weeks if my face gets too dirty.

Anyways, DS is closed again for monthly maintanance and this is my last weekend before school. Not exactly looking forward to seeing everyone again but I'm not dieing of horror either. It's just a...meh...neutral feeling I guess. It's gonna be boring most of the time anyways - at least I have some new books to kill some time with there. Plus class orientation is always such a pain since there's a whole number of people I don't wanna be in the same class with.

So this I guess means that starting from Tuesday I'll be going Semi Hiatus, to all the dolls out there. I'll be sure to get online as much as I can since I just can't seem to stay away from everyone, but my school work and application to high school will be taking more time away from me. And since my Doll Family is growing I'll be sure to spend more and more time talking to everyone. Twinnie hasn't been online so much though - I really miss her....

Then I guess I'll be going for now, but expect a post on Monday cause it'll be my final post of the summer and my official thoughts about my whole vacation. I always do it for the past two years - looking over what I've done over the summer, what I hope to do/feel at school, and since I'm graduating next year in June then what I want to do with everyone before I graduate (that includes punishing some naughty boys). But till then, I'm gonna go catch some of the last summer's rays.

~M